goodness me

It has been quite awhile, hasn't it. H-wile. Anyways, today's rant is going to be about spelling. Just when I typed awhile, I don't really know if it's supposed to be "awhile" or "a while". But who really gives a crap? I don't. As long as people understand what I am saying, what does it really matter?

1) 'I' before 'E' except after 'C'
Whoever made this rule up should seriously go kick themselves in the crotch. WHAT THE CONFUCIUS?! Really? Teaching this to children is just cruel. Can you just remember what it was like sitting at your tiny ass desk spelling some words to practice this sacred rule. Oh, how frustrated you would get when you spelled receipt as "reciept". It is the same word, is it not? Then why all the fuss about the 'I-E' rule? People don't even notice the spelling error half the time. I've spelled receipt as "reciept" plenty of times, but no one noticed (unless they are spelling nazis, that's when they get all "'I' before 'E' except after 'C' on your ass). And then we discover that there is more to this rule. I don't remember the rhyme but it had something to do with neighbor and weigh. Now both neighbor and weigh are not spelled with a 'C' and yet, the 'E' is before the 'I'. What the Ho Chi Minh? That completely went against the rule of the "C's" WHY ENGLISH WHY???

2) Plurals
Go back to your younger years and reminisce. Your second grade teacher is going to now give you a lesson on plurals. Simple right? The plural of box is boxes. The plural of dish is dishes. The plural of goose is geese. At this point you're feeling pretty good about yourself. You answered all the questions correctly, but then comes the unthinkable. The plural for moose is mooses. WRONG. You start to panic. The plural of fish is fishes. WRONG! Why am I so wrong? Freaking the plural for moose is MOOSE and the plural for fish is FISH. NOTHING CHANGES! Why does nothing change? Just when I thought spelling was on my side, BAM, it becomes my foe once more. How irritating would that be as a kid? You sweetly answer the teacher's stupid questions about plurals and then all of the sudden a word pops out that is both a singular and a plural. Once again, WHY ENGLISH, WHY?

Agh spelling, you once again beat me to the ground like the bitch you are. CURSE YOU SPELLING!